Allow them to heal in their own time (which could take many years). Rather, help them work toward acceptance while understanding how their new lives will operate. They should be allowed to see it from their own perspectives and not talked out of that. Even if divorce makes perfect sense to you, it most likely does not make sense to your children. In fact, if children are experiencing grief or struggling to comprehend, it can be disturbing and offensive when parents are glib or celebratory. While you must take care of yourself and stabilize as quickly as possible, your children are not extensions of you they have their own interpretations, their own desires and their own processes. In the same vein, the notion that "if you are okay, your kids will be okay" is also an exaggeration. When I told a friend I was getting divorced, he asked, "Why don't you just run over your kids with a truck?" Immediately, I knew he "got it." Most divorcing parents hear repeatedly that "kids are resilient." This platitude sets up very unrealistic expectations.
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